A Miracle messed up

Well, I was walking into the Wind for the last 15 days, with the wake rising high on my soul's gutted fumes. I was charged up to make a difference, and I have. Work's been better, organised, and giving solace in its mind-numbing repetition.

Hindi's a nice language, and it also had the foresightedness of alluding things for the future. The verb for sleeping "Sona" also means Gold. Little wonder that my mind has starting equating both.

While being up late each night, weaving dreams with eyes open, sharing that ciggy with your friends is something all teenage/young adult years are made of, Call centers have turned these dreams on their head.


What that basically means is that the last 15 days have been spent in a hazy daze that's lasted up until last night, when I decided that enough was really not enough and I did not need to take a grip. So, I just let go.

I've w0rked 14 hours X 7 days , and worried about other things. Dad's still not talking to me (at all). So this is the longest hiatus that he and me have had. Yeah, we've done this before.. Each time there's been a period of change.

When I passed out of school and he wanted to me join work full time at the tender age of 17. Then, after I had joined work and hauled my ass all around Delhi for 3 years, building up my future by driving 150 kms in a day in the famous delhi heat, he wanted me to quit and join call centers as the family didn't have enough money to survive.

I resisted, he persisted, and I gave in, less for the money part, more for reducing the constant friction that was there all the time. Then, again, after I had been with Wipro for around 8 months, he suddenly decided that time had come for me to make a job change, to earn more money. I put a full stop there, told him to wait another 8 months and If nothing happened, I will switch.

6 months later, I got promoted and life was good. Dad's happy coz his good-for-nothing son's now a Team Leader with Wipro. 3 months later, he says, give interviews in other companies, these guys are paying too less.

Me says, wait some more time. Joined IBM late last year for double the dough I got at Wipro. Dad's happy again. I've been with IBM for 4 months, and he's like, Interview time again. I didn't even touch that argument with a ten-foot pole. I didn't.

All this while, I knew what was happening. But I let it. Not that I was at loss of identity or was a timid or let-my-parents-make-my-life kinda person. Dad and me spoke a lot, he made a lot of sense in all he spoke.

Except for this little thing- he pushed. And now for the 1st time in life that I've decided to do my own thing, after 7 years of non-stop for-the-family jazz, he decides that I'm being insensitive to the family's needs. Financial, Emotional and Sociological Trouble is what I'm brewing for my family all because I've decided to pursue a dream.

It isn't something made out of seeing snazzy ad execs in movies and the success of people in my environment who've been able to get where they want and more. Its built out of a desire, the desire to be big, blah blah and BLAH..

If I want to be, just let me... Me myself and MY agony.

Come to think of it, wasn't it for this blog. most people misunderstand me; my friends for never having enough time for them, my family for being insensitive to their wants and needs, my Boss for not giving All that I have, my Colleagues for pushing them too hard, my Food for eating it in abandon, the lift for tinkering with the buttons more than needed, the office cab for bickering about the FM volume and AC's Intensity, their drivers for being overly polite, the fellow cabbies for being too good a company, laughing all the time, the weather for being prone to heat strokes, my gal for being preoccupied while we speak, God for being too greedy and needy and you for me being too verbose..

That's life for me, a Miracle messed up. But, I will set it right.

Life's a dream that'll be fulfilled 3 years from now. You'll be reading this blog, where the entries will be written on a late Weekday evening, or a lazy Sunday afternoon, not at noon on a Thursday, when all the world's out there earning their bread, and I'm gliding all over the keyboard writing my memoirs, dreams, of my retrospective and counter-introspective pearls of wisdom.

Welcome to the Jungle!